Music=Life

OhhEmmGee.
Life is perfect.

Almost.

I just wish it was simple.

We're almost there.

It seemed really simple: He was going to hit me on the face with a dodgeball. But, like my English teacher has taught me, I strived to find the deeper meaning. So when Ty missed, I taunted him to keep going.
He would have made it once, but I was covering my face.

Above is a little excerpt of my day.

This will mean absolutely nothing to anyone, but the Saints are being good. They are doing the right things.

For the first time in months, I have absolutely nothing to do this weekend. Ah, well.

Haha! Today in English we did improv just for fun. I went first and my character was George Bush. My the time the person guessed it, I had the whole class doubled over in laughter. Heehee...

I feel like a kid. I guess that makes sense; I am ONLY a little insignificant kid. Ah, well.

My birthday is in like a month and 20 days, and I'm trying to get everything organized so that my friends that my parents don't know and such can come. But no one will listen. Ah, well.

As I wallow in Self Pity, you should know that I'm listening to an amazing song called "Maybe Sparrow" by Neko Case.

I woke up late this morning, only 20 minutes before I had to catch the bus. I thought about just ditching school and sleeping in; Lord knows I need it; but I didn't. I went to school, and had a sucky day. Ah, well.

I had an anxiety attack/ fit of dehydration on Wednesday. The school nurse also said that I'm not getting enough rest. I wonder how many fucking medical degrees it takes to recognize that. I'm sorry, that was mean.

I'm tired. Ah, well.

Ah well. Life goes on :)

"When I sit alone, come get a little known, but I need more than myself this time."

Everyone has forgotten.

They shouldn't have, it was important.

But I left, and they moved on.


***
Sorry about that, you have no idea what I'm talking about.
Haha! I talk like I have an audience, when I only have the lone but faithful Charlice. Haha..

***

Raad might leave, and never come back. This is what's happening. With the econemy here, his and my dad's work (they work together) have been doing some background check on financial stuff; they don't want anyone with bad credit. My dad came out ok. But my dad also said that Raad might not. Therefore, Raad might be fired. If he is fired, he might not find another job here in the still-only-a-big-town Tucson. And he might move. And depending on how far away, he might come back and visit rarely, if ever.

No.

***

I fucked up. Ty wanted to be friends, but I had to put my other friends first. Ty is rude and inconsiderate, so it shouldn't matter to me, but, like I said, I fucked up. And I hurt him. And me.

God I'm an idiot.

"Sittin here, eating my heart out..."

"The house.. its almost empty of any furniture.. It seems dark, which makes sense; there aren't any lights. I turn slowly, taking in the stormy air.. The rain starts to fall. I am in a room, witha friend, and this is her new house. Its.. where a farm house would be, about 50 yards away from the yellowing 'country house' that they should live in.. But they don't I don't know if its for money reason, or because it simply looks haunted. They live in the farm house, and I feel that I have been here before. It has several stories, kind of like an apartment house.. I attempt walking upstairs, but my courage fails me, I cannot. I walk back into the friends room, finally placing what is wrong: There are no exterior walls. Just air. The wind starts blowing. My friend has a mattress that she sleeps on, and a room is adjacent to hers; but we are not allowed in this room. It is the only room that is closed off; it has an exterior. But we, my friend and I, are preparing to sleep in this isolated place. I look towards where a wall sould be, and see yellowing cornfields. Everything is neglected, everything is abandoned. Even my friend and I are, only her mother is here with us, and she is nowhere to be found. My friend tells me that it is time to put up the tarps. So we hang these tarps where the walls should be, but only around where we are. There are four rooms per floor, so we cover all of those walls. We run out of tarps, so we hang large maps. We only hang them from the top, they are blowing into the room, unfastened at the bottom. I finally find my voice, saying I do not want to sleep here, she cannot expect me to sleep here. I go to the door of the forbidden room, I have a feeling that the mother is in there. I knock, and the door blows open. It is empty. I say rather quietly that I want to go home. Then I start screaming it. The dream fast forwards, it is darker now, the sun is down. The rain has stopped and now I have doubts if it ever stared. But the wind still howls. My friend is asleep, and I am sobbing, rocking back and forth on the cold wooden floor, with a tarp wrapped around me as a blanket."

End.

And now, the explanation of this dream. My dads cousin came to visit, and to be honest and blunt, she is psychic. She read my mom, tapped into the 'spirits'. And then I wanted a reading. So, my cousin tried. My spirit self sadly shook its head at her. She wouldn't tell my cousin anything, but apparantly I was surrounded by people. Whether or not they were unfriendly, my cousin couldnt tell. That night I had this dream. I told my cousin the next day, and she said that the house with no walls was my mind, being exposed.

Now, I have my own theories that basically follow along that line. The tarps are my feeble attempt to keep her out. The forbidden room is my spirit-self asking my mind for permission. And of course, all the cyring and such is me ultimately not wanting to know what my cousin would have told me if she would have found a way inside.

"And then she whispered, 'How could you do this to me'"

I felt like writing today.

But I feel so stupid. I'm not sure why, but, I just feel ignored, like I thought that I was part of something important, but my purpose has been used up.

*sigh*

The party was ok. I was pretty much ignored.
I wish that I was grown up. Then they wouldn't ignore me. I would be in on all of te jokes, they would take me seriously in Poker.
Blegh.

I'm mad at Matt, and its making me very sad, because we're not talking. And he always makes me laugh.

I get an ipod touch on Saturday! I saved up for it myself, and I'm really excited.
I also get to see Steph on Saturday.

"If I could tell you whats next.. make you believe, and make you forget..."